Friday, March 23, 2012

First try at Space Marine fluff

If you've played 40K at all you know that there is a ton of existing chapters and most all of them have some sort of crazy bad color scheme. I do not want to spend a ton of time painting mine since I already have too many other projects. Instead I was going to go with a simple brown highlighted by a few other small areas of color. However, they ended up looking like baby poop so I ended up painting them differently. :(


If I had kept them like baby poop I was going to make up my own chapter and use the following as my fluff. This was my first version so please excuse it being a bit of a mess:


“Dear Aunt Harrietta,

Hopefully this message be reaching you before you reach Terra and you be having your date with the Emperor’s Throne.  There not be much news to tell but I figure I should be sending you something to read and hopefully keep your mind off of whatever they do to those with our gift out there.

Ma is fine but pa be having issues with the gout again.  

In other news, you knows that old Imperial Fist whoo-hah’s fortress-weapon storage-depot thing up in the mountains?  The one they only come to check once every fifty years or something like that?  Seems some underworld types been sneaking in there and be stealing things to sell on the black market.  Guess they found out how much a power armor cod piece goes for on the black market and they be figuring the risk be worth it.

Anyways, seems the Adeptus Arbites found them out and they been fighting all over.  Next thing you know they find space whoo-hah’s sleeping in there in some super-secret-under-level and they go ahead and wake them up.  Next demon marines are attacking the fortress and our Arbites boys with the half awake space whoo-hah’s are all fighting back.  Pretty soon missiles be flying down here in the city and messing things all up.  Even messing up the dilly bean’s I keep stored in the pantry!

After a few months of this the Imperial Fist whoo-hahs show up and the demon things all leave.  Folks start talking about maybe the underworld types been working for demon types but they all dead now and Arbites boys did a good job.  Next the whoo-hahs all talking about starting a whoo-hah marine chapter here and immediately start poking holes in our Arbites boys to make them into more damn whoo-hahs!

So where I be going with this?  The head leader types all come to me asking if I my data chips I can recommend some fearless animal type for them to name their chapter after.  After cousin Willy got caught with those barn animals, the sick bastard, they locked him up and I inherited all his animal data chips.  I been keeping them in the basement but if the whoo-hahs want a name I can find one for them.  So what did I come up with?  The hard-ass double bitch slapping Honey Badger.  According to all the records they be the most fearless animal ever and I’m including a data clip so you can see.

Now the whoo-hahs, they not be too sure about it.  Seems some be liking the name Hill Giants, and others the Trenchers or some other dumb-ass name.  So I just spat on the head whoo-ha’s boot and told him I’d be deserving an ass kicking if I not be right and then I turned on the video.

So our planet be the home of the Honey Badgers for now.  They say they going to be doing some training for a few seasons before going off planet but we’ll see.  Not going to miss them when they leave but maybe they can keep something evil from eating us.

Anyways, Gill and the twins say hi and all that.  Hopefully I can be getting a few more letters to you before they eat your brain or do whatever they do to psychers out there.

Sincerely,
Otto Mutter IV, Vice Charmain of Dilly Bean Production, Master Dilly Beaner

PS. I sold your house.”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg



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